


Chili Burns

by LittleMissOverlord



Series: Everything's Good and Only Hurts a Little (This is Clint's Building, but We All Live Here) [3]
Category: The Avengers (Marvel) - All Media Types
Genre: Buck Steve Kate and Tony are only mentioned, Clint and Sam are that one jock couple that call each other bro romantically, Established Relationship, M/M, Moving In Together, clint is a disaster human, kate feeds the dog yoghurt, lots of swearing, prank war with the winter soldier, the author's terrible attempts at humor, the dog isn't supposed to eat yoghurt, this is a tiny one shot
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-05-20
Updated: 2019-05-20
Packaged: 2020-03-08 13:35:54
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 811
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18895660
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/LittleMissOverlord/pseuds/LittleMissOverlord
Summary: It's three in the afternoon, and Clint is sitting on the kitchen tiles, in his undies, pouring a gallon of milk over his head.





	Chili Burns

**Author's Note:**

> I was bored and overthinking another one of my fics; this is thrown together in like half an hour, don't take this too seriously.

“ _Dude_.”

“I _know_ Sam, stop looking at me like that, damn.”

“ _Dude!”_

“What’d I just fucking _say_ , Sam.”

“Clint, bro, if you want me to stop looking at you like you’re sitting in the kitchen in your underwear at three in the afternoon and pouring a whole gallon of milk over your head, then I don’t know, maybe…. _don’t sit in the kitchen, in your underwear, and pour a gallon of milk over your head!_ ”

“Respect my fucking life choices, Sam! Did I ask what you were doing in Bucky’s apartment with a bag of flour and half a lemon when I saw you last week? No! I minded my own fucking business! I respect _your_ choices, respect _mine!”_

“You saw me flour bomb Bucky’s wardrobe and you didn’t _say anything about it?_ “

“I minded my _own_ _fucking_ _business!”_

“How did you even see me?! The whole hallway was empty! Your building doesn’t have security cameras!”

“I was in the vents!”

“Why were you in the fucking vents! And _why are you still pouring milk over your head!”_

“Tasha said milk helps when you have chili burns.”

“You have chili burns.”

“Yeah that’s what I just _said_.”

“Lemme be 100% clear about this: You have chili burns. On your _scalp_?!”

“Yeah.”

“ _How?!”_

“It’s because you don’t live here.”

“Excuse me?”

“Well, when you sleep over, there’s two people in the building who aren’t afraid to flour bomb Bucky’s black jeans. Usually, though, there’s one. And Bucky is a fucking slob about putting away his fresh laundry, it took him a few days to see what you did.”

“So Bucky…what? Put chili powder in your shampoo because he thought you were the one pranking him?”

“No…even worse.”

“Out with it, babe.”

“He…maybe sorta gave me a fresh chili and said that back in his day they’d mush it up like garlic and rub it on their scalps to make their hair grow. And I maybe sorta believed him and went to try it out.”

“Clint, babe.”

“Sam stop laughing at me! You’re my boyfriend, you’re supposed to love and support me!”

“Clint, babe, I love you very much, but you are a _disaster_ of a man. Me fucking you into the mattress every other day and being your date to all of Tony’s fundraiser galas does not change that.”

“This is all your fucking fault. _Stop_ _laughing_.”

“Aww babe don’t pout like that. Come on, you have some yoghurt, right?”

“Up in the cabinet behind the sponges and the knitting yarn.”

“ _Why_ is the yoghurt by the…you know what, I don’t even care. Stand up and lean over the sink, we’ll make you a hair mask.”

“It’s because if I don’t hide it Kate always eats all of it and hides the empty containers under the couch for Lucky.”

“Oh is _that_ the reason the dog sometimes shits in the tub after Kate’s been over?”

“I always tell her yoghurt isn’t good for him and she never listens.”

“Make her clean it up next time.”

“I can’t! I’m her mentor that would be a serious abuse of power, and besides, you’re not supposed to have a personal relationship to your mentees, I’m already breaking the rules having her dog-sit, if I piss her off she’ll go tattle to Steve.”

“Honey, Kate is over more often than I am, and I practically live here. She has her own room, there’s a box of that cereal no one but her likes in your cupboard, and yesterday her professor called your land line because that’s the number she puts in all her contact forms in case you can’t reach her cell. Face it, you’re basically her dad. You can make her clean up the dog shit.”

“You don’t live here though.”

“What?”

“You don’t live here, even though you sleep over at least five days a week.”

“And…what do you want me to do about it?”

“Move in with me.”

“You want me to move in with you?”

“Yeah. I mean, think about it. I own the building, so you wouldn’t have to pay rent, and you’d be way closer to work, and then Bucky would stop pranking the wrong person. Also, _you’re_ not Kate’s mentor. _You_ could make her do stuff. And the dog loves you.”

“Lucky does love me.”

“Mmh. He always sits in front of the door and cries when you go somewhere and don’t take him.”

“Ok.”

“Ok? Ok what?”

“Ok, I’ll move in with you.”

“Really?”

“Yeah, really. We’ve been dating for a year, it’s about time, don’t you think? Also someone really needs to shield you from Bucky’s dumbass pranks.”

“I wouldn’t need shielding from those pranks in the first place if _someone_ hadn’t pissed off the Winter Soldier.”

“Do you want me to move in or not?”

“No, I do, I’m just _saying_ ….”


End file.
